It's a re-post

Because I felt like it.


How was your day?

A day in the life - a tragicomedy

• alarm goes off, rollover and hit the snooze button;
• alarm sounds after 9 minutes - Curse, then hit snooze (who the crap thought 9 minutes was adequate time for a snooze?);
• alarm sounds after 9 more minutes - curse louder and throw pillow at barking dog;
• get up and wander in the general vicinity of bathtub. Proceed to turn on hot water (not realizing the shower switch is turned on). Insert high pitched squeal followed by more cursing here.
• Grab towel to dry head as stumble to kitchen, tripping over dog along the way.
• Plug in coffee machine and search neverending vortex, also known as pantry, for coffee and filters. Find coffee, no filters. Make mental note to buy some at store.
• Appease vicious, growling, Grendel-like beast with unappealing, dried nuggets of horse-flesh. Grendel-beast looks at me, looks at dog bowl, then looks at fridge.
• Stick bread in toaster because too lazy to cook.
• Grendel-beast looks at me, looks at dog bowl, then looks at fridge.
• Find slightly hard but generally yellow piece of cheese food process wrapped in plastic. Put this on toast.
• Grendel-beast looks at me, looks at dog bowl, then looks at fridge.
• Feel guilty and put small piece of toast in dog-bowl on top of aforementioned Mr. Ed-chunks.
• Grendel-beast, who cannot be sated by this lone peace offering, gives me dirty look. Eats offering and some of last year's Kentucky Derby winner.
• Scream "oh (expletive meaning a specific by-product of the human condition)" while running to bathroom and tripping over hungry and very pissed-off looking Grendel-beast.
• Put towels down on wet floor. Take shower in cold water.
• Manage to get dressed without incident. Take the artist formerly known as Grendel-beast, now known as whimpering, pathetic puppy, out for walk/poo.
• Fill day with meaningless nonsense, vapid conversation and uselessly dull individuals.
• Come back to house. Find sweet, whimpering, pathetic puppy has been replaced by a coffee-drinking, No-doze popping Robin Williams. Interact, though heart and body cannot keep up. Make sure to take for walk/poo.
• Fix salad. Consists of lettuce. Feel hungry afterward and wonder what is the difference between eating a bowl of lettuce and having a glass of water. Decide only difference is texture. And color. Unless it's city tap water, in which case there is no difference.
• Repeat shower process above.
• Climb in to bed thanking god it's all over and actually praying for another day. Then realize irony of that statement.
• Set alarm.
• Curse when realize forgot coffee filters.