Sexist or funny? You decide

I admit this is HILARIOUS. But would this still be funny if it were a man beating his wife?

Ain't I a stinker?

Greed:	Medium
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	High
Sloth:	Medium
Envy:	Very Low
Lust:	Very High
Pride:	Medium

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

It's a re-post

Because I felt like it.


How was your day?

A day in the life - a tragicomedy

• alarm goes off, rollover and hit the snooze button;
• alarm sounds after 9 minutes - Curse, then hit snooze (who the crap thought 9 minutes was adequate time for a snooze?);
• alarm sounds after 9 more minutes - curse louder and throw pillow at barking dog;
• get up and wander in the general vicinity of bathtub. Proceed to turn on hot water (not realizing the shower switch is turned on). Insert high pitched squeal followed by more cursing here.
• Grab towel to dry head as stumble to kitchen, tripping over dog along the way.
• Plug in coffee machine and search neverending vortex, also known as pantry, for coffee and filters. Find coffee, no filters. Make mental note to buy some at store.
• Appease vicious, growling, Grendel-like beast with unappealing, dried nuggets of horse-flesh. Grendel-beast looks at me, looks at dog bowl, then looks at fridge.
• Stick bread in toaster because too lazy to cook.
• Grendel-beast looks at me, looks at dog bowl, then looks at fridge.
• Find slightly hard but generally yellow piece of cheese food process wrapped in plastic. Put this on toast.
• Grendel-beast looks at me, looks at dog bowl, then looks at fridge.
• Feel guilty and put small piece of toast in dog-bowl on top of aforementioned Mr. Ed-chunks.
• Grendel-beast, who cannot be sated by this lone peace offering, gives me dirty look. Eats offering and some of last year's Kentucky Derby winner.
• Scream "oh (expletive meaning a specific by-product of the human condition)" while running to bathroom and tripping over hungry and very pissed-off looking Grendel-beast.
• Put towels down on wet floor. Take shower in cold water.
• Manage to get dressed without incident. Take the artist formerly known as Grendel-beast, now known as whimpering, pathetic puppy, out for walk/poo.
• Fill day with meaningless nonsense, vapid conversation and uselessly dull individuals.
• Come back to house. Find sweet, whimpering, pathetic puppy has been replaced by a coffee-drinking, No-doze popping Robin Williams. Interact, though heart and body cannot keep up. Make sure to take for walk/poo.
• Fix salad. Consists of lettuce. Feel hungry afterward and wonder what is the difference between eating a bowl of lettuce and having a glass of water. Decide only difference is texture. And color. Unless it's city tap water, in which case there is no difference.
• Repeat shower process above.
• Climb in to bed thanking god it's all over and actually praying for another day. Then realize irony of that statement.
• Set alarm.
• Curse when realize forgot coffee filters.

Funny spam headlines

As I'm cleaning out my Spam folder:


* ANSWER MY EMAILS!
apparently the spammers are pissed at me.
* You lost your money at party.
Obviously someone who doesn't know me. Or my wallet.
* We meet like in old times
If I haven't talked to you since "old times", I ain't gonna start now.
* Your clothes are upside down
I have no idea what the crap they're talking about ...
* You give girlfriend pleasure long time
Well, though I have no doubt that if in fact I had a girlfriend I could give her pleasure long time, it would probably involve Hostess cupcakes and a copy of Roman Holiday. Not that sexy, really. 'Bout 2 hours worth of pleasure though.

America's Next Prison Model

Wanna stop kids from doing meth?
Let them meet the folks over at muggn.com. Because as they say, getting arrested is not funny. But sometimes the pictures are friggin hilarious.

I'm strong to tha finich 'cos I eats me spinach ...

Goldilocks began her life of crime with the 3 bears. It only went down hill from there.

Who knew that Supergirl's weakness is Crystal Meth?

I find this arrest highly illogical.

Bring me Spiderman!

I can kill you with my mind

What happened to his ear?

The Sh*ttiest videos ever made (Part 1)

Today I'm all about the videos. Crappy videos to be more specific. Look, I'm a music fan. And I can appreciate the significance of big hair, strategically placed tattoos or the occasional scantily clad bimbo dancing near a pool while some asshat pours $300 champagne on the ground "for his homies".

But looking back on some of the videos that I've seen in the past leave me wondering if somehow, post-Zeppelin and pre-Coldplay (ok, well maybe including Coldplay), we lost our musical way.

I submit to you five examples of what happens when sex, drugs, rock n roll and stupid mix.

Five worst videos done in the name of music

5. Cherry Pie - Warrant
I. Don't. Have. The Words. But apparently Jani Lane does. About 15 sentences worth. Eleven of which are variations on the word "swingin". Seriously? Hey Jani, I should write lyrics for you guys. "Swingin on the back porch, swingin in the kitchen, swingin in a bathroom stall, swingin while I'm sh..." never mind.
Point is, Warrant was so subtle in its delivery. Especially those scenes involving the woman being squirted with a firehose. For reals?

Cherry Pie lyrics - Warrant lyrics

Cherry Pie Video - Warrant Music Videos

Music Videos by VideoCure

Look very closely and you can see Lainey's man-boobs. Hot.

4. Little Miss Can't be Wrong - Spin Doctors
Zzzzzz. Will someone wake me up in about 3 minutes? You would think with all those damned bright colors and people falling out of the sky this video would be more appealing. The most appealing thing about it is that they gave that poor homeless guy a chance to sing. Not only was this video bad enough to make me want to eat my own head, radio stations played that friggin song incessantly, causing a violent spike in road rage cases in the early nineties. Probably could have avoided it all if we'd just given the guy a quarter instead of a microphone.

Spin Doctors - New Music - More Music Videos

3. Hero - Nickelback
What do you do when you need to make a video for the title song of a hit superhero movie but alls you've got is a band as unfortunate-looking as Nickelback? Why you load that video with tons of scenes from the movie that feature people who are less likely to induce vomiting. Then just put in a few odd cutaways of the hunchback band on a rooftop, screaming till their eyes bulge. Moose-like Chad Kroeger never gets a really close close-up (thankfully) and I actually believe that the guy behind him (Al from Tool Time) gets more camera love.

2. Commando - Vanessa Paradis
What the hell is she babbling about? "come on, comeon comeon ..." She's like a retarded puppy that's been clubbed in the head and left to die, writhing in agony out in the wilderness where noone can hear her screams. And who the hell is that dude that keeps acting like she's the hottest piece of ass he's ever seen? Is he serious or has he just been starving out in the desert for so long he thinks she's a dancing Mars bar?


1. Fly High Michelle - Enuff 'Z Nuff
'Cos nothing says 'rock star' like rainbows, doves and balloons. Its like some kind of sad French clown's wet dream. You can't even tell what the hell this song is about from the video. I don't even remember why these guys were famous for all of the 15-minutes. And, if I recall they did last the ENTIRE 15 minutes. Also, who puts cutesy spellings in the name of a rock band?