Wow. Just ... wow.

Musings of a Gen Xer

Thoughts:

• "As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly." - FUNNIEST. THING. EVER.
  
  
• If we needed proof our parents supported post-third trimester abortion, see the toys they bought us:
  
• The Slip n Slide - Rocks underneath plastic, staked down with metal stakes and ... just to make sure you don't miss that fence/lightpost/car ... we'll WET IT.
• The Sit N Spin - Sit on this. Now turn yourself around until you vomit. Fun huh?
• Lawn Darts - Because children should be given razor sharp darts to throw. Did this game even come with something to throw the darts at? I just remember lots of blood and crying. Oh ... and the eyepatch.
  
• Easy-bake ovens - Cause it's never too early to teach your kids about third-degree burns.
  
  
• Who booked the trips to Fantasy Island? Was there some sort of creepy schadenfreude-tinged travel agent?
  
  
• 
  A quiz - The guy in the Keep America Beautiful commercial is crying because
  a.) He got paid very little wampum to stand knee-deep in shit next to a dirty highway.
  b.) He just saved $400 on his auto insurance.
  c.) He thought this was the "Keep Brooklyn Relatively Tidy" campaign.
  

• Was the Hamburglar so cheap that he couldn't afford a less-than-a-dollar burger? And what the hell was Grimace anyway? Oh and follow this train-wreck of logic: Mayor McCheese was a cheeseburger, which McDonalds sells. Birdie was chicken (sort of), which McDonalds sells. Officer Big Mac was obviously another burger, which McDonalds sells. Ronald McDonald had a dog ...
  
  
• Who thought a man named Sgt. Slaughter would make a good GI Joe army action figure for kids?
  

The President's Mephistophilosophy

"Ask not what you can do for your country, ask what you can do for me ...
Helpless little goldfish in the man-eating democra-sea.."